I Cut My Fingernails Today

I cut my fingernails today.  Don’t say it.  I know what you're thinking:

You've got to be kidding! You're blogging about your fingernails? Why am I reading this and is this the kind of subject you’re going to be writing about?  What’s next? Dry skin? Corrective lenses? Dingleberries? Give me a break.

No, I'm not going to talk just about fingernails.  Toenails too. They are annoying!  I have to trim them down way too often- a real pain in the ass.  Sometimes, if they get jagged, I have to actually file them.  And they never stop growing!  Even when you're dead!  You would think that a smart human being could just yell at these fingernails and toenails "STOP IT!" and they would obey.  But they don’t.  They just keep growing without my permission. And if having to deal with them is not enough, my body never looks the same every day and never has.  What’s that all about?  For example, when I was one or two years old I looked like a baby for gods’ sake!   And at 17 I looked like a teenager!  I’ve had to shave every single day of my life since.  If I didn’t those stiff little hairs would grow into a giant funky multi-colored beard flowing all the way down to those damn toenails!  You can’t tell me that isn’t a pain in the ass!

Today I looked in the mirror and guess what?  The few hairs I have left on my head couldn't even be arranged in their usual way!   Hey, why don’t I look like this?  My body isn’t being fair!  WTF!

And what joy will it bring me next?  I know, I’ll be buying a movie ticket and the kid behind the glass will look up from whatever media he’s addicted to and just automatically give me the dreaded “SENIOR DISCOUNT”.  He’ll call me “sir” too.  No thank you!

Here’s the sad fact:  I've found that I have precious little control over my body.  Yes, I can affect its’ appearance somewhat if I take the time or have the willpower.  But it’s mostly just an adjustment here or there.  Cosmetic.  My body does what it wants and runs on its’ own with little help from me.  All I really have to do is feed and water it, sometimes to excess.  It's funny though, even though my body runs itself and changes every day I never seem to change...inside anyway.  In my mind I've always been me, regardless of the way my body tries to screw me over.   

True, I have gained “knowledge”, and some of it might be valid.  I’ve had lots of “experiences”, some of them fun, but not all, by any stretch of my imagination or yours.  I feel wiser too, but then again I think I really knew better all along.  The only thing that has remained the same over all these years really is that feeling deep down that I am here. I'm me.  We’ll talk about this again.

So look in the mirror.  Is that really you?  Is that who you are?  

See Next Rock.

© Steve Stewart and See Next Rock, 2013