Please don’t e-mail me jokes or cartoons about getting older
or being a senior citizen. I am not old.
If I see the words “old” or “senior” in
your subject line, I’m deleting it.
“Come on!” you say, “Just look at the picture on your
drivers license! Tell me that what you
see is not the perfect portrait of a typical dirty old man!”
Hey now hold on there a minute buddy! I may be agreeably “dirty” but again, I am
not old. Yes, I may look old to you and I
do admit that when I look at my drivers’ license I see someone who might be
physically described as a youngish geezer. But trust me when I say this: what you are looking at is just an illusion, a
mirage, a trick of your imagination. You
are not seeing me. You’re just
seeing my ride.
“Oh just grow up!”
you say, arms wheeling above your head in exasperation.
Grow up? Please. What does “grown up” mean to you? Realistic?
Experienced? Kind? Wise? Worldly?
Knowledgeable? I am all of those
things… sometimes. But by “growing up” I
think many people mean something else entirely.
When you were young how did some of those “adults” appear to you? Sit back and think about it for a few
minutes. What words would you use to
describe a good many of them? How about
these: Disillusioned. Skeptical. Resentful. Envious. Miserly.
Intolerant. Sour. If these words describe an “adult” please leave
me out. Do you want to be one of them?
Now I see your temperature rising: “What about your body? Can’t you see that physically you are
deteriorating? As it is I have to speak to
you in a loud voice and hope you are reading my lips because your hearing sucks! And if I ride in a car with you for a couple
of hours you complain that your butt hurts and you creak and groan when you get
out! I find these things annoying. In fact, YOU are annoying! BALD ASSHOLE!”
Whoa! Chill-out dude!
Now who’s the old fart? Of course I know my body is starting to fall
apart. Everything organic comes into
being, changes, breaks down, turns to dust.
It’s the way of this world. Everything
is either growing or dissolving and nothing is ever the same from moment to
moment. Nothing! Except for this: what I am. Or, perhaps put more succinctly, what I am
not. Comprende?
So go ahead, don’t see people as they really are. Generalize and label them as “old” if
they are graying, using a walker, hard of hearing, vision impaired, limping,
stooped. See yourself as one of “them”. If you don’t know who you are you will become
what you think. Just don’t try to take me
with you by sending me those e-mails. I’m
never growing up and will never be old. And from
now on think of me as a mint 1947 Chevy...Sport Coupe.
***
P.S. You can send me
the really really funny ones though.
© Steve Stewart and SeeNextRock,
2013 Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and
written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.
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